Always Hoping to Please

Pleasing others worked for so long

That it had to stop

Because suffering snuck up

And blasted away my energy

Encouraging anger and resentment

Instead of believing I was to feed the world

I incorrectly believed I was to be the food

Like a neon sign, I lit up

With these words: “Eat me”

No, not in a sexual way but

I am here for you, to fill you up

To bring you peace, give you

Whatever you need, I will do my best

To respond or rather

I will offer before you can even

Ask

Maybe you wouldn’t have asked

At all.

What do I want? “Oh, dear,

I don’t need anything,” I said, too often

What do I want?

To stop feeding others with my resources

My body, my generosity

My energy and time

And to feed myself for awhile

Or better yet, to be fed

What would I like on the menu?

Some delightful foods and drink

Most of all, I want your love

Not just being needed but wanted

So sharing can happen

No more one-way streets

By meeting your needs

I got some of my needs met

Codependency, they call it

No more sacrificial lamb

At the height of what felt like empathy

Has been my untethered narcissism

Clear as a bell

No one can save the world

No one can make another happy

But we can bring our full selves

To each other to be touched

Gazed upon, acknowledged and

Understood

What freedom!

A release from the chains of

A life-long belief that my job

Was to care for others

Now, I am taking care of myself

(Which feels extremely odd)

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